Ok, Germaphobes, here’s one less place you can safely go without being exposed to the dangers of the “unseen germy world.” Before reading this story about a bank robber, people just assumed I was a neurotic surgeon about town wearing my mask and gloves; now, I’m going to look like a man on the run.

It’s like the “Unibomber” all over again when I had to stop wearing my hoodie sweatshirt and sunglasses while teaching at UC Berkley. It’s not my fault I have sensitive skin and eyes!

These dudes are beginning to get on my nerves. What’s next? Are they going to take away my knit ski mask that I like to wear while driving? It helps cool down my body while keeping the air from directly blowing on my face… but I fear that it won’t be long until my cheeks begin to feel the chafe of my All-Terrain Smart Car.

Look out! An evil twin fitting my description may be in a neighborhood near you!